I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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