apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
