The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
