I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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