Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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