She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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