it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
