In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
