She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is Oprah even human
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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