It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
