I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize