mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
