i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i barfeds in our rink
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
