people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
