just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
