There is no way he is gay with that hair.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
