I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
