if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Randomize
