if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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