it wasn't lemon gatorade
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
