I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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