Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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