My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
