my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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