@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I should be sponsored by Trojan
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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