My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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