i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
