Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
