Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
