Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
