Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
