life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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