My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
