Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
