she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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