i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
