i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
