yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
