Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i think i just lost a toe
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
