the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
