I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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