Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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