Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
