Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
