There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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