there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
