I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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