I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
