guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
