The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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