Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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