Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
