i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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