He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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