My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
