i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
