Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize