We're like a lot better than the average bears
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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