I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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