omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
