I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you would pick up someone in the library
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
