Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
