You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
