when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm passing your future prison.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
