I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
