she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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