me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
