I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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