There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
