I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
