Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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