Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
