Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
