we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
