It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I think your dad took our porno
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
