im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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