If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize