i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
