Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
