omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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