he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
