the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
