drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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