I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
