I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
