Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
