I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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