are you still at the devil's house?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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