youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
why does every cop we meet know your name?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
