Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
