I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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