u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
