Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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