Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
so much tequila, so little girl.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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