I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
