He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
