zippers are such a cool invention
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He better not be in your backpack
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
